Readers - stop writing me when you are half crocked. Only write when you are fully cocked.
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Letters to The Vino Vixen
These are real questions I receive. Really. Seriously. For real.Reader: What do you think of Trader Joe's Charles Shaw wine? I buy that stuff for $4 a bottle!
VV: It's crap. But, so is Beringer's White Zinfandel, and many a wine lover started on that. It's like a Dick and Jane book - good to start out, but you aren't going to read it when you're 30 (are you?). Get my drift? Try their Masi Amarone for about $10 more - will BLOW YOUR MIND.
Reader: I'm having a dinner party and serving the Trader Joe Charles Shaw Merlot. What should I pair it with?
VV: Raman Noodles, Vienna Sausages and rice krispie treats.
Reader: What is your favorite wine?
VV: Whatever you're serving or I'm not paying for. Seriously - one of the biggest misnomers about being a wine critic is that we're a bunch of constipated wine snobs. The most delicious aspect about a bottle of wine is who you are sharing it with (I'll even enjoy a two buck Chuck with the right person - before I toss it out and opt for a Mojito).
Reader: I have a bottle of '72 Dom Perignon (subsitute Tete de Cuvee expensive Champagne name here), when should I drink it?
VV: Now. And with me. Champagne typically does not age well. And normally needs to be re-corked after 30 years anyway (almost all wines do). Stop hoarding and start living. Tell your spouse, child, parent, partner, friend...you love them and open it with them (legal caveat so I don't get in trouble - child should be 21 +).
Reader: What's the hot wine of the moment?
VV: The pretty label that best matches your Jimmy Choos and adorable Smart Car... Hmmm. That's a funny question, but I'm so shallow that I'll go along with it. Try Gruner Veltliner (Gru-Vee) from Austria, small Grower Champagne (the anti-Veuve), or Pinotage from South Africa.
Reader: How often do you sip wine?
VV: I sip and spit (so attractive) pretty much every day with importers, distributors, and wine makers. I sip for reals every evening with dinner.
Reader: What do you think of Organic wines?
VV: Marketing ploy - for the most part.
Reader: What do you think of screw caps? Don't you think they take the romance out of wine?
VV: Love them! Wagon wheels used to be romantic and traditional, but we're driving on Goodyears now...Anyway - nothing spoils romance like a corked wine.
Reader: Is that your car with the Vino Vixen license plate?
VV: That was you that hit me at Safeway, wasn't it? I want your insurance information.
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